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Tuesday, 31 March 2009
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The Single Guy TRAPPED in a Boyfriends Body
The Single Guy TRAPPED in a Boyfriends Body
What do you do when you are single guy looking for women to just go out with, and all women see is a "boyfriend?" I feel like the single guy trapped in a boyfriends body.
Its been that way for as long as I have been interested in women. I never noticed it, but the word monogamy must be written across my head. And its not just me, guys all over are dealing with this very same issue. Why can't a guy be interested in you with out having designs on making you his next commitment?
Are we all just programmed wrong, or is the need to be loved that strong?
I like being loved too, but damn... I have other needs that need to be attended too just as much. I LOVE being single. I LOVE IT!! I put it in caps just to let you all know. LOVE IT!! I guess Justin wanted to bring sexy back.. I just want to bring the fun back. Is that asking to much? When I was younger, I use to watch shows where people went out, and it wasn't always so serious. Serious had to be earned, and it took time. I knew people who dated people for months before it turned serious. But they never lost the tag, "single" before that.
What happened to the little black book of men and women? Possibility on tap. I know I am in a few phones.. AND, I am quite proud of that. But I had some girl who was just talking to me once, mind you I didn't even take this girl out yet, and she already gave me a speech about not wanting to be just another number in my book. "I felt like she wanted my commitment to her right there." I told her, don't worry, you weren't going to even make it that far. She wasn't amused. But that's my point.. Why couldn't I turn into a friend, who she dated at some point. But it never made it to that serious place.
I read women on here who say things like, I don't like to date. My heart just can't handle the games. But if you really think about it.. how many of you have broken hearts from a few different relationships. Some not even broken. But wasted relationships. Wasted TIME!! All in the relationship junk yard.
But in my logic, you could have dated him and a few others at the same time. May the best man win your heart? Is it me, or is that NOT crazy?
Us guys are all just prospects.. A prospect isn't a sure thing. You have to put time in. You work to the big leagues. You have to spend time in the minors first, and some NEVER make it to the big club. Some take awhile to develop. Dating is developing a relationship. In baseball, teams have different levels of prospects. Not every guy you meet will make it into your BIG LEAGUE CLUB. Only the stand outs should. That is of course, if you value your relationship time. To me, this is why many of you are on here looking.. You are scouting prospects, but giving the one a free ride right to the big club. You make him put in his time in the relationship, and not the minors.
Look, if one guy spends the minimum of time in the minors, but he is knocking then out of the park. Sure, I can understand giving him a call up to see if he can swing that bat the same as he did in the minors. But, if he starts out bad, they get dumped right back down. Even one of the GREATEST Yankees in history was sent back down his rookie year. He became one of the GREATEST baseball players of all time. His name was Micky Mantle.
To many of you ladies are dating men who are single guys in a boyfriends costume. And what do you expect, that is the perquisite to be able to get close to you. Some where the rules changed and it just became easy. To easy, and nothing that ever comes easy is ever worth it. I will say this again, and maybe it will stick. You need to put VALUE on your time. On you, yourself. and, you will have a good time doing it.
Me, well. I am someone's friend, someone's FWB... I am someone's booty call. I am someone's hot date. In short, I am a prospect. No more no less. I am a world of possibility. You can't ask me what I am looking for. Because I don't want to put my expectations on you. The phrase "what will be, will be." I believe in that. You can't EVER judge things by how they seem at first. We have blinders on and miss all the things people hide about themselves. That's why its important to have a minor's system. And I don't mean minors as young you hot cougars out there.. lol Have options. Start a dating revolution.. Bring dating back to the masses. Make being in a relationship important again.. make the guy who really wanted your time work for it. Because when I commit, you better fucking believe you will have earned it.
QUESTIONS for you to answer... YOU SEE, I give you OPTIONS. .lol
Am I a boyfriend? Some day. But I won't forget all the stuff in the middle before I am.
I am sure you have questions. Bring them. Ask me anything.. don't be a puss
How much value do you have on your time if any at all?
How many of you are in a commitment with a guy who acts single? EVER HAPPEN TO YOU?
Are we all just programmed wrong, or is the need to be loved that strong?
DN, NAKED!!!
Thursday, 26 February 2009
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Ring's Love Me
Ring's Love Me
By Basil La Torre
Single or committed.. I have incredibly good luck with married women of all ages. I never put much thought into it, I just went with it. And why not? My sex life was always an education and practice for the real thing one day.. Now before you get all judgmental - I understand that we all live by a set of rules. But no, YOU live by a set of rules. The single unattached male or female is in it for themselves.
Dating Naked - Dating & RealtionshipsI also can hear you thinking,
"why don't they just put that same energy into single men and women?"
You want the truth.. "Single people are more complicated."
I will explain: Single people are harder to approach, because they are so on guard of the potential player sneaking in the back door, that they forget to enjoy themselves. Young, single people are still wet behind the ears, and are in search of nothing but the relationship, that they can't see anything but. If you are not relationship ready for some people, they discard you as a player.. and move on.
The married woman is not delusional anymore. They know what's missing, and want what was given in the beginning. We all love the beginning. Let's just be honest. Next to your kids being born, it's the best part of the relationship. Imagine being locked away from the outside world, with little or no sex life for a few years. Mind you, those few years seem even longer in your boredom, waiting for the man or woman you first met and fell in love with, to come walking in the door. People can be patient, but sooner or later they will snap and search for that rush which causes that blood flow that makes you feel ten years younger.
I always compare it to the house cat.. looking out the window at a world they want to be part of.
Ever watch them..? They move and jump at what's going on.. totally into anything from a bag caught in the wind, or a bird prancing around asking to be eaten - if it could only get past that glass. The glass is one big, huge cock block from a world they can only watch. That's the bored house wife, or neglected husband or boyfriend.
Or, someone who jumped, thinking that being in a relationship was what they were supposed to do.
Let's face it.. we are controlled by a world that tells us this is what we are supposed to do. Only there is no crash course test drive. Even though we read and watch how bad it can be.. we always believe that we know just enough so that will be avoided.
Then, here comes a guy or girl who's completely into you. You don't even care why. You just feel wanted. Your better sense will flirt and play, but it won't jump. But we were given this thing called curiosity. For better or worse, we have it. And curiosity will get the better of our senses sooner or later. We all do what feels good. How many of you out there have that one secret that felt really good doing it, wrong or right? Some of you lock it away forever, and others use it as a guide to get out and get what it is that you deserve.
So why do the rings want me?
Because I flirt like you remember it - when it was good. I open the doors that have been closed. Because I ask questions, and care to know the answers. I am not rushing your panties off as much as I am making them wet. I care to know what makes you twist in your chair. I appreciate the married woman because she appreciates the moment. Sometimes, the moment is all we have.
I don't claim right or wrong... but married or not, if you approach me like that in the moment, your ring means little or nothing to me. I might warn you once about what you are getting into. After that, you are adult enough to make your own choices, and be accountable for your own actions. I didn't say 'I do'.. You did. It's your reputation - your family. I enjoy what you enjoy in me. If you are judgmental.. and want to ask me "what if my wife did that too me?"
Well you know what? I guess I dropped the fucking ball, or picked the wrong woman. I will swallow my bitter little pill..throw back a few and find my swagger, and go on living cause life is too fucking short.
One more thing.. If I give someone the confidence to get out of a shitty situation.. Then excuse me, but that's a public fucking service. Rings aren't coming to me because they are happy in life. Are they?
This is not just a blog, this is reality happening as we speak. Somewhere some place, someone is thinking it, about to do it, or doing it. Leave your NAKED comment..
DN, NAKED!!
Thursday, 05 February 2009
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Dealing With The Ex-Factors
Dealing With The Ex-Factors
Dear Basil, I can't let go of him: Heart breaks, everyone has had at least one. More than likely we have had major disappointments and promises that have been broken. Promises that we felt would be honored with their dying breaths. But as we get older, we begin to see that promises can and will be broken. Time passes as we await our fate, love turns to hate, and our minds quickly go insane. We lose ourselves to a past that no longer exist. And loving that person came with consequences, of the heart and soul. The hour's are of endless thoughts, thinking, waiting, and our minds escape us. Our minds even betray us, as we question every single feeling ever given to us. "Were they lies, they had to be or else how could they treat us this way?" Break ups are cold dark dreary days that seem like the worst of our lives, and we look for any signs of sun light to come crashing through they gray.Being in love, does not always mean its forever, even if we want it so bad we can feel it through our bodies. We create excuses because the truth just isn't enough. But ask yourselves this, if you loved them enough to hold on, why can't you love them enough to set them free? Our feelings may be enough to keep them around, but is that what we want for our own comfort and peace of mind?Do we want something so bad we forget what they need?I have to say, I think we do. We start living in the past, and stop seeing the now, and have no vision for the future. You want someone to feel something they either don't know how to feel, or just maybe.. they never felt. We start using manipulation to control what's not there anymore, doing anything you can do told hold on to the elusion of what it was like. Its not enough to just remember it use to be good, and strive to find it again.Love isn't always perfect, but the time that it was, should be remembered forever. A gift no one can take away from us.My advice, ask them what they want, and give it to them if you really love them.. even if that means setting them free.DN, NAKED!!TODAYS DN TOPIC.. BREAK UP'S AND THE ONE'S WE DON'T LET GO OF. ARE YOU HOLDING ON TO THE PAST, AND IS IT HINDERING YOU FROM MOVING FORWARD?
Wednesday, 04 February 2009
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Getting OUT.. Head for The Exits!!!
This is a sample blog of just some of what I do.. The serious side. My reality blogs can be serious too, but a lot are funny. So, I hope you all pay I forward and tell a friend.Getting OUT.. Head for The Exits!!!
Dating Naked: Basil J La Torre
Topic: Getting out of a bad relationshipDetoxing from a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.
This is really the part two of "MAKING A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP." I figured you know how to get into one, but how do you get out? You're in it.. you are miserable, far from happy and definitely not being treated the way you want to be treated. So the question then remains?"WHY ARE YOU STILL IN THE RELATIONSHIP?"The simple question with a not so simple answer.. I KNOW!!
The experts give you simple answer's, and tell you they are simple solutions. But they never are, are they? I sympathize with you, I do. You have friends who did it, the woman on oprah said she found her self again after she cut off the deadwood. The guy with the cheating wife found love and has never been happier. Yet, you keep finding yourself back where you started. In a toxic relationship that is making you mentally and physically sick.
The smart thing to do, would be get out as fast as you can and never look back.. RIGHT? That would be the smart thing to do for your own well being. Unfortunately we rarely do the SMART THING. We make excuses for not only ourselves, but for them. Most of us have all been in one of these toxic situations.. so don't feel like you are alone. But, there are other's who are living it who just think its normal. They have no idea that its not supposed to be this way. Its really quite fascinating to watch. But that is a rare phenomenon.. most if not all are quite aware of their surroundings. Some even contribute to the toxicity of the problem's.
YOU ARE POISONING YOUR BODIES.. your mind, your heart and most of all, your soul. Some of you are poisoning your kids for life.
The example's of these behaviors read as this: 1.. Maybe you caught your partner cheating and you took them back. But keep it a source of constant tension, never letting them forget what they did. 2.. You cheated on them and never told them. Holding yourself hostage in your guilt and fear they will find out. 3.. You are involved in an physically or emotionally abusive relationship and continue to take the abuse. 4.. You are walking on eggshells for your entire relationship, due to an over critical partner and are afraid to say something that will further upset them. 5.. You are playing a tug of war with your ex getting back together and breaking up numerous times. They start seeing someone else in between and continue to toy with you by calling you and telling you they care about you. These things are toxic.. but you have lived with it for so long, you've just become immune to it.I have been talking to my readers about this topic as prep for this blog and the answer seems to be the same. They are just hanging onto something that was.. not something that is current. It's easy to believe it was there before, so if you hang around long enough.. it will come back. What we fail to realize is, that where in history does something fix its self when the problem get's swept under the rug and ignored? We don't ever wannt admit to ourselves that its not you who failed. It was them. Maybe you convinced yourself that it was somehow your fault, that you deserve what you are living.
But maybe.. just maybe, it is your fault. Maybe your personality doesn't work well with theirs. Maybe they need something different than you can offer. Maybe a calmer personality, or a stronger one. Maybe you refuse to see it. Maybe you want them to be something they were never meant to be. That's your fault. I know that sounds harsh.. but maybe you only see what you want to see...and don't want to let go of that.
Self esteem: Maybe you see yourself with little or no value. You see yourself as someone who can't do any better than the person you are currently with.. maybe he or she gave you more of a commitment than past relations. You some how believe you cannot live with out this person, even though they are clearly not doing a damn thing for you!
IT's TOXIC.. All of it.
My detox plan... not much I can tell you that you don't all ready know. I can be redundant and say its not healthy and you need to move on.. WOW, earth shattering.
I can repeat myself and say I have been there. That should do you a bit of good.
I am a realist. I know some of you that know how bad it is, just don't have the fucking sack to do anything about it. Because you do have low self esteem. Because you do believe that he is something that he is not. And other's are just so damn use to it. That they don't know how to be anything but at a high burn all the time.
The simple truth is.. own it. If you really are sick of it and want change.. what are you prepared to do to get it? Are you willing to call his or her bluff? Are you willing to hold the relationship over their head to get your peace of mind? I know, I know.. ultimatums YOU HATE THEM. Blah blah. Get the fuck over it. Still having flash backs of mommy and daddy telling you had to take out the trash or else. Move on. If your happiness isn't worth an ultimatum.. then except what you now bought and paid for. A head fuck for life. Sounds like a fun life.Listen, every relationship has its ups and downs and requires some effort, but a relationship that is constantly in turmoil and turned upside down and inside out, is not one you need or want to be in.
You see me, I will walk to get what I want. I see those exit signs. I know when its time to get out. You have to have self worth if you want anything in this life. If you don't put value on your happiness.. value on YOU. Then no one will treat you like you are worth anything. You will be a doormat and walked on for life. A toxic relationship must be treated like a drug problem. You first must admit there is a problem. YOU must have a plan and an exit strategy if they fail to comply. Most of all.. you have to mean it when you say it. Or, don't do it at all. Don't waste your own time if you can't stand by what's most important. Just lay down, and let them walk over you for ever.
I didn't write this with questions in mind. If you have something to offer, go right ahead and comment. This was a blog to wake up the masses of unhappy toxic relationships.. time to detox that bitch. Or, time to get out... Head for the exits!!DN, NAKED!!!
Sunday, 01 February 2009
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So who am I?
So who am I?I am working on my intro blog that should explain what I do. I am building my page, going to try and add as many people as I can before I start blogging on a regular basis. For now, read my about me, will give you an idea of who I am and what I have planned. I hope all of you find it of interest, or even fun to read. I blog about dating, or the lack there of today. I talk about relationships and love and lust.. and how we confuse them. I talk about those things we never talk about, like cheating and how it happens and why it happens. I talk about the parts you all have questions about, but rarely get an answer too. I talk about online dating.. and how its changed how we meet people. Some of it is good, and some of it is killing relationships as a whole.I also write about my reality.. my ongoing quest to see if love really exist, or is it a craving we have, so we try to order big. But is our hunger really bigger than our stomachs?That's me, walking that tight rope between love and lust.. being single or being monogamist. I am not about to settle, or not enjoy my in the moment life style. Being single is great, yet its looked at in a negative light. Playa, or player.. what's the difference?Does being single and enjoying it make someone a player?See, it's all not supposed to be easy.. but reading about it helps give us perspective. Writing about it helps even more. Keeps you honest and stops you from bullshitting yourself. I Date Naked.. I am sexual, I am blunt.. I am honest because again, bullshitting doesn't help anyone. Truth hurts, but it forces you to deal rather than hide behind everything that allows you to hide. Drinking, binge dating. Online dating.. its all safe but leaves you right back where you started. Time is a gift we can't get back.. every second that passes us by is second we can't get back. I have had my heart broken, and I have broke hearts.. its the people who didn't do anything to us that seem to suffer the consequences... can you deny that?I write advice blogs.. On myspace, I became famous for some of them. I will continue that here. I write them to give everyone's opinion a voice. My voice isn't enough, so with out exposing anyone's identity.. I write anonymous advice blogs where your opinion might just help the person in need.I write about guy's being that 90 % of my readership was always women. I try to be the voice that gives you answers, rather than the voice that keeps you in the dark. Keeping you guessing is good, but it in the right way and time. I see million's of people saying why? What can I say, I enjoy putting out the answers. I am bold, I am honest, and I am funny, because I see the humor in it. This is my career path, and I love doing it. This blog is a step to bigger things, or so I hope. I can't do it with out you, so if I friend requested you, this is why. I hope you laugh at my past, and learn from me. I am learning with you, I don't know everything, but what I do know, might just give you clarity. I learn from people, I am a student of people, and I hope you learn things from me. I hope everything I have ever done, gives you some kind of answer.My name is Basil, I was named after my grandfather, whom I am forever proud of. I was raised by a single parent, my Mom who passed away in a fire two years ago. I spent a few years on myspace trying to sell an idea, all while dealing with what was going on inside me. I am refreshed and ready to start a new. Dating Naked is my blog, I hope you subscribe and pay it forward. I ask for a few minutes of your day, and in that, I hope those few minute enlighten you all. Once I have a small readership, I will start blogging regular, and go from there.DN, NAKED!!!
DatingNaked
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- Name: DatingNaked
- Birthday: 3/12/1976
- Gender: Male
- Member Since: 2/1/2009
